I realize I probably just spelled that name wrong, and don't even have enough motivation to spell check it which would take literally 5 seconds. Proof that this blog right now isn't quite in sync with the mind/body/spirit stuff everyone's talking about lately. Recent revelations are leading me to the center, and fretting over thinking about posting on this blog, and not being able to post a single damn thing about the million ideas about zen/aikido/Japan I have everyday is just too much something when I'm looking for nothing.
This weekend I went to an Opeth concert. If you don't know them and are curious to what they sound like and have the slightest effort to find out, look them up on youtube. If you actually go to the effort, you could look up the song "Bleak" to find my favorite tune. Live would probably be good.
So, anyway, I went to this concert and realized I need to be doing what I want to do. But I've realized that ten thousand times before, and where that has taken me is to some ultra-sped up world where I have created far-off goals that I am trying to realize in the moment ... but they're more like the kind that take more than a moment to realize. For only a couple examples, becoming a great writer, a master of martial arts, and more fluent in Japanese than Japanese. I assure you there's many more, but these three seem to be the biggest. Anyway, so I had this revelation, thought about my past conclusions, and remembered a wonderful theme of a recent show I've been watching, "Spartacus", which is ...
"Kill them all."
(If you know about Opeth and Spartacus, and remember I made a post a while back about how the media we watch affects our life and vice versa, you're probably making some connections.)
This doesn't have to be so violent or extreme. It's merely a fact of life and tenet of zen: In order for something new to grow, or to even see reality, we ought to get rid of excess ... what we don't need. Well, what we don't need may be a lot, especially for all of those living in first world countries. After I publish this post, my postings will become severely more infrequent than they already are, and then I will throw away a lot of things I don't need from my apartment ... then tomorrow I'm not going to take a bunch of stuff I don't need to work like I always do, and try not to drink more coffee than I need. We all have dispositions; mine is a tendency to excess and fascination with zen ... which makes for a very strange and often frustrating condition.
Anyway, I'm rambling on, and won't take the time to edit this, so I just want to say that I probably won't be posting often here for a while, but will keep reading the quality blogs I've become so attached to, keep reading about zen, experiencing Japanese culture, and thinking about aikido every step I take.
What is most extraordinary about myself existed before the time I started thinking and hoarding in fear. I don't wish a return, but a rebirth without the bullshite. While that self is in the womb, samurai zac will be dropping the sword a bit on unwelcome guests.
Will Odysseus come home? Or forever be lost at sea?
We must slay the ghosts of our past in order to be born into the next world.
For several years, my practice consisted entirely of standing stake (zhan zhuang). I didn't come up with a lot of answers as the result of this practice, but many questions I had previously just sort of faded away.
ReplyDeleteA healthy, happy and prosperous future lays ahead of you.
I exactly echo Rick's sentiment, ever since my practice has been curtailed by injuries, I have become much less attached to the practice or the idea of improvement, just sit, meditate, do zhan zhuang and you will notice that you will have changed in a more profound way than just the external labels - Shodan, Martial Arts Master, fluent in Japanese.
ReplyDeleteBecause even if you have got all those external things today, like the Aikido black belt, beautiful wife, adoration of your martial arts groupies, you will realize that in a lot of ways nothing has fundamentally changed.
Good health on your journey and looking forward to when you come back!
Before enlightenment: carry water, chop wood.
ReplyDeleteAfter enlightenment: drink beer, eat pizza.
Stay in touch litle Bro; the Blog can be a great sounding board for feelings, ideas and dreams...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments dudes, and like I said, I'll still be visiting your blogs and going to aikido a few times a month, but I think I've entered a phase just as you mentioned and that the majority of my practice will be internal and invididual for a while ... sitting ... standing ... swinging a wooden sword and stick. The Way is too ingrained to fall away ... just changing shape. Perhaps when the snow clears I'll have adventures that beckon me back to writing.
ReplyDeleteEveryday I carry water and chop wood, and every night I drink beer and eat pizza ... where exactly is that moment I become englightened everyday??? I'll return with the answer...
Once training really gets hold of you, it's like gravity. You can get away for a while, but it always pulls you back.
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDeleteAll the best!
ReplyDeleteUnderstanding and encouragement from southern Taiwan!
I hope you resume blogging soon. In any case, make sure your practice really gets internal, not lazy. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDelete