Cool Tokyo Blog "LOL Sushi" & No-Thoughts on the Sword

Check out another cool blog based in Tokyo at lolsushi.blogspot.com !

It's got a lot of cool stuff about Japanese entertainment, and I guarantee it will be new info for anybody who's not connected to the right scenes in Tokyo ... including me! Hiding away in various inakas (country-sides) of Japan, I look forward to reconnecting myself with another world outside through this site.

My favorite part of the site are the videos with ... Timebomb Nick!!!

Maybe you don't know Nick, but we actually studied Japanese together at university in San Francisco, and he's a super cool guy living in Tokyo.

On the site you can find a lot of funny videos with Nick in Tokyo, or you can just go to the youtube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/tokyogamerzed . Some games are about finding strange things in Tokyo and others about video games.

SO CHECK IT OUT!

...

And now ... the sword ...

PISHAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

That's the sound effect I use with the sword. I learned it from my aikido sensei who liked to make us laugh mid-way through wazas.

As I mentioned in previous posts, iaido is this brand new practice I'm working on and it's utterly fun and exciting in every aspect. In the last post I even wondered:

Can we have a practice that is only fun, allowing us to climb straight up the mountain without falling into depressing valleys of failure?

I'm not sure yet, because I just started, but I've already discovered one pitfall that may send us down to hell in our budo practice:

Overthinking/planning/scheduling/worrying/manipuilating

Until now I've been begging to get a sword so that I could practice on my own. This is hard to do with aikido because you need partners, and kyudo because you need the bow, space, and target ... but with iaido finally I have something I can practice and explore alone. (Though I'm sure doing too much without supervision will be cause for trouble ... but I don't know! I'm going to find out, and wonder how that aspect of iaido will play out ... surely it'll come up in future posts).

So I got the sword, and then I began to think ...

OH NO!

I began thinking about when I'm going to practice, and how I can do it for a long time everyday. That thought in and of itself isn't bad, in fact it's good and necessary ... but somewhere along the way I began making a schedule in my head. "OK, so I'll practice every morning so that I can do it everyday and get it over with before other things get in the way." That's a good idea, but I already have a morning routine that feels full with sitting for 20 minutes, followed by a shower and making breakfast, and then 30 minutes of kanji practice while drinking coffee. It's working out perfect, but I think adding anything else may disrupt the harmony I've cultivated.

What do I do?

(Starting to think ... OK, that's not a bad thing.)

Take out the sitting? No, I can't do that, I need that. I can't take out the kanji.

(I start becoming inflexible, and evaluating the "value" of my practices.)

Should I wake up earlier?

(Iaido practice is no longer fun, but a task to schedule in.)

Should I just forget it and practice throughout the day when I have time?

(Not directly dealing with my desire to practice, leaving it to be decided by the outside world instead of myself.)

Dammit I'll never get a solo routine with iaido, so I'll never get good! This is all a waste of time!

(And I'm tumbling down the mountain.)

So ... there's a lot of things going on around here, but I'll just lightly handle it with the mind I've had that's gotten excited about iaido in the first place.

Basically:

1.) Iaido is something I've fantasized about for a long time. I remember in my early karate days, weapons were also a part of training. There were many different weapons my sensei worked on, and for beginners he usually had us work with escrima sticks, and then learn bo forms. That is where I was at, but I remember a couple advanced students working on the sword, and I was utterly captivated. My teacher had practice swords on the wall, and an atmosphere about himself and the dojo itself that just filled me with curiousity about the sword. With that dojo I never got to the sword (I still remember and love practicing some of the escrima stuff but don't remember anything about the bo form I learned) and have gone through my martial arts experience without any time with the Japanese sword. (Though I did learn a tai chi saber form I still remember and practice often.) Perhaps I'm so intrigued by the Japanese sword because I've had to wait 10 years to finally begin its practice. I think it's just bad-ass anyway.

I already have a great love and admiration for the sword, I'm not about to sour it with over thinking.

2.) I may never be that good anyway.

This is a huge thing to get over. When I sit down and rationalize about it all, it makes sense and I can continue practicing for the fun and self-development, but somewhere along the way my egotistical and competitive nature kick in. All of a sudden, I'm training to become the greatest practitioner in the land, absolute number one, seeking fame and riches. Everything about the practice revolves about becoming a revered master one day, and then my practice is something that lives in a fantasy world decades in the future, leaving this moment empty and tormented.

Perhaps this is how some people feel about going to heaven.

Anyway, it's ridiculous to think this way because honestly, there are people who have been practicing these arts for way longer, practice way more, and live in an environment that focuses on their training much more. Now for me, I'm a 28 year old American beginning iaido and going to practice once a week. This is on top of a life that is full in many other aspects. There's no way I'm going to be the greatest swordsman anyway ... and besides, who says I really want to anyway? I mean I wouldn't not want to, but at the cost of other things in my life, I think I'll pass.

So, I'll never be that good anyway, I might as well have fun, forget about the future, and just live my practice. Whatever comes will follow on its own.

This is the major trap I've fallen into with kyudo. I'm learning to rediscover a mind that existed before the ambition and competition.

...

So, at this point I don't know exactly how and when my solo iaido practice will work out, but I do know for a fact I'm not going to let it bother me.

I'm just going to let happiness be happiness, and that is beautiful.

That is getting out of the way of the technique so that all the aspects of the world and situation can work together. It's relaxing the unecessary muscles, making minimal movements, and making those movements with a subtle grace that allows the big picture with all its little details flow ... like a stream in the woods.

(Beautiful painting found at http://brush-paper-water.blogspot.jp/2011_01_01_archive.html)

...

And as of today I'm off for Toyama!

Yes, back to my original Japanese home north in the great mountains, I'm headed to Kokura (Kitakyushu City) where I'll take the midnight bus (holy hell, everytime I take a midnight bus I swear I'll never do it again, and yet here I go) for 9 hours to Osaka, and transfer to another taking 6 hours to Toyama at 3pm tomorrow. I will stay with my wife's family relaxing and meeting a new family member (her sister's new baby!), drink some beers with old friends, then grab the wife and head back down here to Nakatsu in Kyushu where we can properly begin our new life. On the way back we plan to drive to Osaka, and then take a ferry to Beppu in Oita Prefecture. Japanese ferries are always quite an experience, so maybe I can post something about that with some pictures when I get back.

So yeah, I'll be off the radar for a week, but during that time you can check out LOL Sushi and Tokyogamerz, and think of iaido books to recommend to me.

Happy Holidays from Gaijinexplorer in southern Japan!

the Great White Fear

First of all ... MERRY CHRISTMAS from a white snowy Japan! All is well here. I wish the best for you all on this very special time of the year. In Japan you'll see lots of Christmas advertising and decorations, there's tons of Christmas cakes everywhere, and I'm sure that the occasional gift is given, but it's just not the same as I'm used to back in good old North America. Though there's more than enough plastic back home too, but there is also a delicious Christmas feast, a decorated tree, a fireplace, and a family to make it all real. It may not be for everybody, but it's a special time for me. I had a skype with the parents, a Christmas feast of sorts, presents exchanged through air-mail, and time with the people I care about most here. It's definitely snowing now.

If only I could get that fireplace ... and a dog.

...

Now for a story about kyudo the other day.

The Great ... White ... Feaaaaaarrrrr!

The string in kyudo is slapping me in the face again, and I'm terrified to the bone.

Lately my biggest problem has been not drawing far enough. Everytime I draw back Sensei says the same thing: "Pull more! Farther!"

That's usually OK but, last week I bought a new kake (glove). Today was the second day I've used it. I'm not used to it yet, it feels weird and so I'm doing weird things with my hand inside the glove which makes it slip out prematurely and slap me in the face.

Usually the main reason this happens is due to not twisting the hand enough in the correct way, but it also has to do with relaxing my hand at the same time. But because I'm afraid of the string slipping out, I'm not relaxing my hand. Sometimes when I pull the string, something feels wrong deep inside of me and if I relax the tension I believe it will slap me in the face.

I need to relax, but I can't. With this, naturally, the further I pull the string and the longer I wait in the draw before the release (two things I should be doing more) the more likely the string will be able to slip out and the more force it will have to hit me. So now my pull is very small and full of tension, instead of large and relaxed. My energy is raised to my shoulders and I'm just waiting to brace myself against the slap.

Today the arrow slipped out about 4 times. When this happens, everyone turns their head and stares at me half in horror, half in confusion. They are shocked, feel bad for me, and don't understand why it happens. I am equally shocked myself, embarrassed, and even more so frustrated. One of the older guys told me to ice my face after the first one. I could care less about a growing red welt on my face, I just want to fix the problem, but I took a break and iced it anyway. Later I shot a few more arrows, and then it slipped out again, early enough not to hit me in the face. That's not painful, but's still hell, and the frustration compounds exponentially. I walked back to take a break for a second and two women asked me some stupid question about it I don't remember exactly like, "It slipped out again?" This was like another slap in the face and I gave a very intense nod of affirmation trying to hide the rage and we just stared at each other for a second. "Why are you talking to me!? I just want to fix this!" is what I was thinking.

Sensei told me to take a break and have some tea. He said I need to change my attitude and that I'm too afraid now. Damn straight I'm afraid! So I took a tea break and talked about completely unrelated things for 5 minutes. I went back to put on my kake, but nothing had changed. All I could think about was the prereleasing sring. I shot a few and then it loosed again. Sensei came and took a look at what I was doing. I pulled the string back full of tense fear, but the arrow luckily didn't come out early. He said, "See! It's alright, don't worry. Just pull back as far as you can." But it doesn't change anything. I hurried up and changed and went to catch my train.

It was the most frustrating walk I've ever made from the dojo to the station. I had this very rare desire to scream as loud as I could. Traffic lights turned red as I approached them. I walked into a bakery to grab something before the train, but a mother, father, and three small children were stopped dead in front of what I wanted so I just turned around and walked out. I climbed the stairs and high school boys were standing in the way looking at their cell phones. After passing thorugh the ticket booth a crowd of high school girls passed giggling in their hiked up skirts talking about absolutley nothing very loudly. Getting off the train and facing the crowds I suddenly remember that everyone stares at me. I think about all the time I put into kyudo that isn't about shooting an arrow. Waking up early and getting ready, walking to the station, spending the money on train tickets, riding the train 20 minutes one way, walking to the dojo, getting dressed in the hakama, getting undrssed out of the hakama, walking back to the station buying another ticket, riding the train again, walking back home just so I can get ready to ride another train to work.

Why do I do all of this?

I love kyudo. It's one of my favorite things in my life now. But now it has been poisoned by the absolute feeling in the art.

Why is this happening?

Is it just because of one small thing I'm doing in my wrist? I don't understand. I know it would be better if I relaxed, but if I do, I know I'll get slapped.

I'm afraid, but just "not being afraid" won't fix this. I cant just say "Zac, don't be afraid," and everything immediately fixes itself. Or would it?

I don't know!

If you get in a car accident and become afraid, just telling yourself to relax and not be afraid won't work. You still have to pay attentiaon to all the same things when you drive. You still have to notice things that mayb be dangerous so you can avoid them, so you still have to be awake and aware. You can't just "Relax, don't be afraid."

I'm now remembering a car accident I was in in high school where I was sitting in the back of a jeep. The completely sober, incredibly stupid driver was going way too fast on a dirt road through the forest. As I was riding in back the tension was on high alert as I felt we were going way too fast. All of a sudden we we skidded through a turn and SHOOT! ... there Zacky Chan flew out of the back of that jeep. I'm now remembering the image of a fast approaching fir tree, then waking up in a hospital. It's the uncontrollable factor that may be the worst. Zacky Chan the passenger flying into this horrible near death concussion from this machine someone else was driving. Zacky Chan pulling the string while it can just slip out at any moment.

But I'm the one holding the string! I could have told the driver to slow down! There is an element of control involved. Where is the line?

I need to consume something. That's what I thought walking out of the dojo. I need to eat or drink something ... but I don't want anything.

Why do I want them if I don't want anything? I don't know, but it's a very clear feeling. I attribute it all to issues of control. I spent all morning getting beat up in kyudo, now I want to take the power back. It's fear. I'm so afraid I'll do anything. It really is true, the caged animal is the most dangerous. No wonder people have addictions to eat, drink, smoke, beat, molest, kill. It's because we don't know how far we control the world, so we don't know how much we're worth, but we want to be good and important, so we're afraid, and take action to compensate. But none of that works, because the problem lies at the root of not knowing and having desire. There is no way we can know, and desire is a natural part of life. Perhaps I'm misguided, but I don't agree with people who say if you meditate through the desire you will come to find enlightenment and know. I don't agree with people who say we need to cut off all desire. I also don't think "just relaxing" is going to fix my problem. But honestly, I don't know how I'm going to fix this problem. I'll do my best to relax, try to return to a place where I wasn't getting slapped in the face, do some researching on the internet and then go to practice ready to try again and ask for help.

I used to get hit in the arm, but that problem has been solved. I've gone through phases of hitting the target a bit, to times not at all, and back up again. I want to be better. I don't want to be afraid.