Monday, September 13, 2010
Lesson 23: Painful Extremes
Ever since I was invited to the extra classes in Uozu, I've kept a very extreme frame of mind. At first it was confusing, last week it was at full force, this weekend it was almost unbearable, and now I'm trying to resettle myself very patiently. What I'm talking about is very vague, because it has too many causes and effects to name outside of just Aikido. The important part of this message in this blog though is, by having extreme frames of mind, one cannot relax or have fun, both of which are necessary for optimum development in Aikido. Ever since I came back from the States, I've been very strict with myself in Japan, and Aikido was at the top of the list. Aikido was the number one thing, the only thing, and if I didn't have that thing in a way that matched my highest of ideals, well then, it's all over. Such unwavering ultimatums led to a crash worthy of such a rigid structure. I love Aikido, and it certainly is one of my favorite things in Japan, but by trying to name it and worship it according to it's high title, I have made it something impossible and unreal. The effect such thinking has on my life is painful. The worst part about this in reflection, is I don't if I can stop such a progression of thought and feeling from happening again, even though I can say with confidence to myself that I do not want it to happen again . For, now I patiently and gently am trying to find a spot to make everything good again. Sometimes it seems like it takes more than just saying it.
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this period of questioning and deep feelings seem to be as important as anything you've learned overseas so far.... you should be excited about that aspect... (doesn't make it easier, though.)
ReplyDeleteSo you finally got to the special, super-secret class!
ReplyDeleteI get the point of your post, and I say: it isn't easy not to get in unpleasant states of mind just out of willforce, but having already experienced them allows to recognize them earlier, and elaborate a counter-strategy. One reason why I always dedicate myself to several different activities, and try to hang out with diverse people, is that... well, to put it simply, a ship with several anchors can hardly drift, right?