Am I a Fool?

(I know this art was on the last post, but it's way too cool to be over-rided by another post a mere hour later, and deserves more time: http://anisis.deviantart.com/art/Bloody-feast-196045969)

I'm not calling out, but merely speaking: Am I a complete fool for practicing a martial art that produces such a small amount of fun?

Seriously.

For a while kyudo has become the main budo of my time, and it is certainly the deepest I have ever found myself in experiences produced by the martial arts, in a good way.

But it's like, I go to aikido, or any other empty hand art and it's fun. Even if I haven't learned much, it still is. In kyudo, it is unbelievably fun when you realize you have learned something, because god damn you know it when you do, but you can lose it just as easily, and enter long periods of not knowing, and all else I leave the class cursing myself until next opportunities at the target.

Maybe I'm just in the transition and this kind of shit takes so long in Japan to get used to, new places and people and all, maybe I just need to roll it out some more,

but right now,

in this exact moment,

I feel like a fool and a waste, to be spending my time in it's art.

I'm ready to run, but I'm just getting beaten down.

Who knows what life is supposed to be like anyway.

I'll just figure it out.